Stunted Expression

Tomorrow we begin our Spanish lessons. Coming to travel in a country without knowing the language is one thing, but moving to a country not knowing the language is another. When you're putting roots down, you want to be able to show your true colors. At the local shop, you want to be able to say please and thank you, tell them a little about yourself, ask them about their family. You want to tell your neighbor you love their top, or that they have a beautiful home. You want to be able to seize an opportunity by answering a question, instead of grasping at straws to understand, finding nothing and sadly smiling as you walk away.

A large part of my identity is language, about expressing myself through words and gestures. Its very important to me, and my happiness, to be able to give a compliment, or point out something that I appreciate. To say how I feel. I want to be able to compliment a chef's work, or tell an artisan that their painting moves me. But I can't and its stifling.

Don't get me wrong, I know so much more than I did when we arrived. I can read most of a menu and order a coffee the way I want it. I know how to pronounce our street name so that the cab driver doesn't have to ask us second time. I know the subway system and the layout of the city. We know the spots by out house that we don't want to walk alone at night, and those that we feel comfortable on. We know where to get a great Argentine ice cream (its different here) and a yummy homemade pizza dough for 3 pesos. I never leave home without my Spanish~English translation book.

But needless to say, I am excited to learn. I'm working on my vocab all the time, but I am excited to find out how to conjugate a verb, and how to structure a sentence. I can not wait until I can finally say “Thank you so much for your help. You're so kind!” or “Wow, that was a delicious meal, please send my compliments to the chef!” Oh my, I can't wait!!

While I am here I want to travel. I want to dance tango, study milonga with traspié, learn to lead at a level high enough to navigate a crowded dance floor. I want to tear myself apart to find out whats inside, and put myself back together in a way that I understand, respect, and love. But I also want to return home with a second language under my belt and a new understanding of the world.

Here I am! I'm ready to learn!